Recap:

In a new sermon series titled “Asking for a Friend,” we explore the concept of disappointment with God—a topic that, while often avoided in church settings, is a deeply personal struggle for many. The title is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the way we sometimes pose our own difficult questions as if we’re asking on behalf of someone else. This series takes a more serious turn as it delves into what happens when God doesn’t show up as expected, when He seems silent, or when He doesn’t fulfill our expectations. Often, these experiences lead to questions that we never voice: Why did God allow this to happen? Where is He when we need Him most?

This is a common struggle, even within the church. It’s challenging to admit disappointment with God, and even more difficult to discuss it openly. To illustrate this, let me share a story about a personal experience with God’s mysterious ways. Years ago, my daughters, who were then two years old and six months old, were involved in a horrific car accident. The wreck was so severe that the paramedics expected to find no survivors. Miraculously, everyone came out with minor injuries. The driver had a broken foot, but that was the extent of the physical harm. The media later interviewed us about the importance of car seats and safety, highlighting how crucial they were in saving our daughters’ lives.

That same night, however, a news story aired about a three-year-old boy who tragically drowned in a bathtub. The juxtaposition of these stories raised a profound question in my mind: Why did God save my children and not that boy? This question has no easy answer. My wife later reminded me of another related incident I had forgotten. Around the same time as our daughters’ accident, her senior high school photography client died in a car crash. The client’s mother called my mother-in-law, asking, “Why did your grandkids live while my daughter died?” Again, there was no answer. We are often left with these unanswerable “whys”: Why did this tragedy occur? Why did this relationship fail? Why did our children stray from God?

The story of Job offers insight into this perplexing problem. Job, a man who had everything—wealth, family, and happiness—lost it all in a series of devastating events. He too cried out to God, asking why such suffering befell him. Job’s friends insisted that he must have done something wrong, but Job maintained his innocence and continued to seek God’s presence. In Job 23:8-9, he expresses his frustration, saying, “But if I go to the east, He is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find Him. When He is at work in the north, I do not see Him; when He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him.” This sense of divine absence is a feeling many of us know all too well.

Last week, the sermon emphasized that there might not be a satisfying answer to “why” bad things happen. We must wrestle with these questions, acknowledging that our finite understanding cannot grasp God’s infinite plan. In the end, we often find ourselves admitting, “I just don’t understand.” Accepting our limitations is a humbling acknowledgment that we are not God.

A friend of mine, Jason Brown, shared wisdom from his father that has stayed with me: “Don’t ask why; ask how.” This is the essence of our exploration. When faced with disappointment, pain, or loss, we must seek the “how” rather than the “why.” How does God intend to work through this pain? How can we find purpose and redemption?

Throughout Scripture, God consistently redeems difficult situations for His good and glory. This is seen most clearly in Jesus, who not only promised pain but lived it. Yet, He always had a purpose, and He encourages us to look toward the future, where redemption is found.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German theologian, once said, “Only the suffering God can help.” We serve a God who suffered, who understands our pain on a profound level. His suffering offers us hope and a future, even when we cannot see it.

So, what should we do when experiencing pain and disappointment in our lives? Yes, we can look toward the future and anticipate redemption. Yes, we can find solace in the presence of our suffering God. But what about when the pain is immediate and overwhelming? How do we cope when we are in the midst of it?

The answer is to follow the example found in the Bible, where individuals felt their emotions deeply and brought them honestly before God. My encouragement to you today is to do the same: feel the feelings and tell God. This simple yet profound practice can be transformative.

A Story of Lazarus: A Lesson in Faith and Patience

Let us turn to the story of Lazarus in John 11. This well-known tale reminds us that God’s timing and ways are not our own. A man named Lazarus was sick in Bethany, and his sisters, Mary and Martha, sent word to Jesus, hoping He would come quickly to heal their brother. Yet, when Jesus received the news, He remained where He was for two days, seemingly silent and inactive.

In those two days, the sisters must have wondered why Jesus, their friend, did not respond immediately. He loved them, yet He delayed. It seemed as though He did not care. However, this delay had a purpose beyond their understanding. Jesus said, “Lazarus’s sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this.”

Here, we see a powerful truth: God’s inactivity does not imply a lack of love or purpose. Often, what appears to be silence is part of a divine plan beyond our comprehension. God’s delays may be for our growth, His glory, or reasons we may never know.

When Jesus finally arrived, Lazarus had been in the grave for four days, a fact that held significant cultural meaning. In Jewish belief, a person could still potentially be revived within three days, but after that, all hope was lost. Lazarus was not just mostly dead; he was all dead.

Upon Jesus’ arrival, Martha went out to meet Him. Her words were filled with emotion: “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Her pain was real, and she felt abandoned. Yet, in the same breath, she expressed faith: “But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.”

Martha’s response was one of raw honesty and faith. She acknowledged her disappointment while still holding onto hope. Jesus then declared, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying.” This was not a mere theological statement but a declaration of who Jesus was to Martha in her moment of despair.

Mary, on the other hand, initially stayed away, overwhelmed by her grief. But when she was called, she too expressed her feelings to Jesus. Her words echoed her sister’s: “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” She fell at His feet, demonstrating reverence but also honesty.

In their pain, both sisters brought their feelings to Jesus. And in response, Jesus entered into their suffering. He was deeply moved and wept with them. This was the moment when the suffering God stepped into their story, sharing in their anguish.

Jesus then performed a miracle, calling Lazarus out of the tomb. In doing so, He revealed that what seemed like the end was not final. God’s purpose and redemption were at work, even in the silence and delay.

Feel the Feelings, Tell God, and Open the Door to Redemption

The story of Lazarus teaches us that our emotions are valid, and God invites us to bring them to Him. When we express our feelings honestly, we open the door for God to work in us and through us.

I recall a personal experience from fifteen years ago when my wife and her mother were in business together, and things went sideways. The partnership dissolved, and emotions were high. Late one night, as I painted the walls of my wife’s new studio, I unleashed my anger and frustration at God. In that moment of raw honesty, God was silent, but something shifted within me. He began to unlock the process of healing and forgiveness.

This is the power of being real with God. When we allow ourselves to feel and express our emotions, we invite Him into our story. He meets us in our pain, offering His presence and guidance.

If you find yourself in a season of pain or disappointment, know that God is not absent. He is present, waiting for you to feel and express your feelings to Him. As you do, He will work in your heart, leading you toward redemption and purpose.

Let us pray, trusting that God hears us and walks with us through our pain. Open your heart to Him, be honest, and allow the suffering God to bring new life to what feels lost.

 

Group Questions:

Opening Discussion

  1. Personal Experience:
    • Share a time when you felt disappointed or let down by someone. How did you cope with it, and what did you learn from the experience?
  2. Understanding Disappointment with God:
    • Have you ever felt disappointed with God? Why do you think this topic is often avoided in church settings?

Exploring Disappointment with God

  1. Personal Story:
    • Reflect on the story of the car accident and the contrasting tragedies that followed. How does hearing this story make you feel about the way God works in our lives?
  2. Unanswered Questions:
    • Why do you think God allows some tragedies to happen while preventing others? How do you personally grapple with the “whys” in your own life?
  3. Job’s Struggle:
    • Read Job 23:8-9. How do Job’s words resonate with your own feelings of divine absence during difficult times?
  4. Accepting Limitations:
    • How do you feel about the idea that our finite understanding cannot grasp God’s infinite plan? Have you ever reached a point of saying, “I just don’t understand”?

Shifting the Focus from “Why” to “How”

  1. Reframing the Question:
    • How can the shift from asking “Why did this happen?” to “How does God intend to work through this?” change your perspective on pain and disappointment?
  2. Biblical Redemption:
    • Share an example from Scripture where God redeemed a difficult situation. How does this give you hope in your current circumstances?
  3. Bonhoeffer’s Quote:
    • Reflect on Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s statement, “Only the suffering God can help.” How does this impact your understanding of God’s empathy and presence in your suffering?

The Story of Lazarus: Lessons in Faith and Patience

  1. God’s Timing and Delays:
    • In John 11, Jesus delays His visit to Lazarus. How do you interpret God’s delays in your own life? What might be the reasons for these delays?
  2. Martha and Mary’s Reactions:
    • Compare Martha and Mary’s reactions to Jesus when He arrives. How do their responses illustrate faith and honesty in the face of disappointment?
  3. Understanding Jesus’ Tears:
    • Why do you think Jesus wept even though He knew He would raise Lazarus from the dead? What does this teach us about His compassion and understanding?

Applying the Lessons

  1. Feel the Feelings, Tell God:
    • How can we practically apply the concept of “feeling our feelings and telling God” in our daily lives? Share a time when expressing your emotions to God led to healing or insight.
  2. Personal Reflection:
    • Consider a current situation where you feel disappointed or confused about God’s actions. What steps can you take to bring this to God honestly and seek His guidance?
  3. Open the Door to Redemption:
    • What does redemption look like in your life right now? How can you remain open to God’s work in your circumstances, even when it feels silent?

Closing Prayer and Reflection

  1. Group Prayer:
    • Spend time praying as a group, inviting God into your struggles and asking for His presence and guidance. Encourage each member to share one area where they seek God’s help in understanding or redemption.
  2. Reflection and Encouragement:
    • What is one takeaway from this discussion that you want to remember as you navigate disappointment with God? How can the group support each other in this journey?